Our learning goals are to:
-write a description, using powerful words and phrases
-include some Te Reo Māori
-carefully check that our sentences make sense and have correct punctuation and spelling.
ABANDONED CITY
One day me and Team Zombs went looking for survivors after the big war. We got dropped off by Joe who is one of the Team Zombs members. Me and Cooper went looking for survivors and we also got loaded with guns. Cooper’s gun was a Flamethrower and I got a MINIGUN.
We were getting dropped off at an abandoned city. It was very scary. Lots of windows were smashed. The buildings were ruined and metal was sticking out. The wild peacock’s had takin over the city. It smelt like wild peacock roaming around.
Once we got dropped off we started looking for survivors then I heard something and I was like, “Did you hear that Cooper?” And he was like, “No.” Then BANG, I got hit in the leg and luckily it was not that bad. I was still capable to walk. I could hear peacocks screaming.
We then realised the war was still going on. We went for a closer look and we saw someone so we hid in a tree until the fighting had ended. Then we went looking for survivors. We did not find any so we went back to the helicopter and Joe was there with his P90. “There were no survivors left,” said Cooper. So we went home feeling guilty.
Hi James
ReplyDeleteI liked seeing the idea for a story that you boys came up with from looking at this image. It suits the idea of an abandoned city. When I worked with you the main thing you needed some help with was your punctuation and making sure that your story made sense for the reader. It was good to see that you added some description of the setting like, "Lots of windows were smashed. The buildings were ruined and metal was sticking out."
Keep working on making sure your ideas make sense for the reader and making sure that you are meeting the success criteria.
Well done.